Mr. Bucknuts' Bucket of Bullets

Archie Griffin joined us on the Bucknuts Radio Hour each of the past three weeks and the Heisman subject came up – each of the last three weeks. Archie is an unabashed admirer of Chris Wells and advocates him in terms so strong that he described him as “the next Jim Brown”. Pretty heady stuff there…

We all know that Tim Tebow is the early “consensus” front runner for the Heisman in 2008. That is, until Beanie stiff-arms his way to New York, of course. And with that reward comes – what? – riches and fame and adulation on the next level? Well, not always…

As Allen Barra pointed out in an article a year or so ago, “Only a handful of Heisman Trophy winners have enjoyed genuine success in the pro ranks”. Consider:

1)      Less than 20% of the winners have become NFL stars and only four in 50 years (OJ, Earl Campbell, Marcus Allen and Barry Sanders) ever won an MVP award.

2)      Of the last seven Heisman guys, three are already out of pro football: Chris Weinke, Eric Crouch, and Jason White. Troy Smith is still on the TBD list but we are cautiously optimistic…

3)      1981 marked the last time a Heisman winning quarterback won a Super Bowl. That was Jim Plunkett for the Raiders.

Part of the reason for this divergence between college heroics and professional success is – of course – that the Heisman voters are highly emotional and don’t always (read: hardly ever) pick the best college football player as their winner. Also, there are the basic differences between the college and the pro game. Michael David Smith of Pro Football prospectus pontificated on this subject: “In college football, there are so many different schemes from the option to the run-and-shoot, that an incomplete football player can thrive in the right college system. But in the NFL (a player’s) flaws will be exposed”.

You also have to be drafted by the “right” team so that your skills match up to their needs. Matt Leinart is an example of another problem: A great QB surrounded by incomparable talent at USC, he went to a talent-free team at Arizona. A tough transition…

The voters have a choice again this year: vote for Tebow (ouch) and see another college-only skill set go down in flames at the next level. Or vote for Beanie and have him join the rare group of elites in both college and the pros. Like Jim Brown, for instance…

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Put the “high” back in “high school”…We are on a high right now as the 2008 Ohio high school football season has kicked off. And one of the biggest stretches yet of a pre-season poll is out. Imagine ranking the top high school teams from throughout the thousands in the nation when you haven’t even seen them practice yet! Well, that doesn’t stop the National Prep Poll which described itself as the first official human poll of the season. And you think there isn’t a historical bias to this sort of thing? Here’s their first paragraph to dispel any thoughts of “fair” or “objective”:

“Defending Class 5A/I champion Euless Trinity hopes to become the fifth Texas team -- and the third this decade -- to finish the season as National Prep Poll champions.”

They then concede what us Buckeyes already knew:

The rest of the preseason top five has a distinctive southern flair, with spots going to defending state champions from South Carolina, Georgia, Mississippi and Florida.

And for illustrative purposes, here is their Top 25 in-the-blind picks:


# School Record Note LW
1. Euless, Texas, Trinity 15-1-0
2. Duncan, S.C., Byrnes 15-0-0
3. Valdosta, Ga., Lowndes 14-1-0
4. Batesville, Miss., South Panola 15-0-0
5. Fort Lauderdale, Fla., St. Thomas Aquinas 14-1-0
6. Concord, Calif., De La Salle 13-0-0 
7. Monroeville, Pa., Gateway 11-2-0
8. Seffner, Fla., Armwood 13-1-0
9. Corona, Calif., Centennial 13-2-0
10. Houston, Texas, North Shore 14-1-0
11. Cleveland, Ohio, St. Ignatius 8-3-0
12. Jenks, Okla. 13-1-0
13. Bastrop, La. 15-0-0
14. Chesapeake, Va., Oscar Smith 13-1-0
15. Louisville, Ky., Trinity 13-2-0
16. Orange, Calif., Lutheran 10-2-0
17. Sammamish, Wash., Skyline 14-0-0
18. Cincinnati, Ohio, St. Xavier 15-0-0 
19. Prattville, Ala. 15-0-0
20. Ramsey, N.J., Don Bosco Prep 12-0-0
21. Chicago, Ill., Mount Carmel 12-1-0
22. Kansas City, Mo., Rockhurst 13-0-0
23. Plano, Texas 13-2-0
24. Apopka, Fla. 12-2-0
25. Phoenix, Ariz., Desert Vista 9-5-0

St. Ignatius and St. X made the cut (speaking of historical programs), but no other similarly sainted Ohio programs were in the initial poll. By the way, #6 rated Monroeville Gateway has future Buckeyes LB Dorian Bell and DB/WR Corey Brown on the squad. Also btw, St. X returns only four starters so that historical edge (like the fact that St. Iggy last won the mythical prep title in ‘93 and ‘95) certainly for consistency in this polling process.

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Time for high school football – chapter two…Always a week ahead of the colleges and always a welcome sign of the season, Ohio high school football kicked off with a resounding whomp this past Thursday. And nobody covers the high school side of Ohio sports better than our sister site at JJ Huddle.com. To appreciate the initiation of the “rites of fall”, check out this hip little video that the guys put together to celebrate the season: http://scoutingoh.com/Promo_Football_is_Awesome.htm

Cool stuff, even by our exacting standards!

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The Fulmer Cup – an epilogue…Many of you were fascinated by last week’s discussion of the Fulmer Cup – a week-to-week standing of schools and the ranking of their criminal elements. OK, maybe “fascinated” is too strong a descriptor Maybe “many of you” exaggerates to make a point, also. But – at least – some of you asked: How do they score the Fulmer Cup. In their own words, it goes something like this:

The player in question MUST BE ON ROSTER at the time of arrest. No Ex-Players!

Murder: 5 points.

Rape: 4 points. Downgraded to one point if either participant is wearing a clown mask.

Bestiality: 4 points. It's a form of rape, really, no matter how much the goat has had to drink. High point value justified further by the fact that it involves having sex with an animal. You could say this was unthinkable, but in the past year alone two stories involving college athletes and at least the association with barnyard bonhomie of a most intimate degree have been reported, including the EDSBS Official GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD: the arrest of Oregon State player Ben Siegert for stealing a sheep used in a study on homosexuality in sheep.

Grand Larceny: 4 points. We use this as a catchall for players being involved in crime so outrageous and well-planned it can only be described as 'nefarious,' 'professional,' or 'legislation.' Applies to large drug rings, chop shop operations, and the Haitian human trafficking ring that's been run out of the Miami locker room since '93. (We kid! They didn't get that thing humming 'til '95 at the earliest.)

Hitting Girls: 3 points. Dad always said never hit girls, so we take this one seriously. Dad also said always double down with split aces, too, but we'll be damned if we didn't end up selling bone marrow in Macau the last time we followed that bit of advice.

Car theft/Assault/Driving through houses drunk/Drug possession: 3 points. "Drug possession" never sounds all that bad until you add in 'crack cocaine,' which is society's signifier that your life has gone from that of high functioning simian in a complex society to that of a rat with electrodes in your brain's pleasure centers hitting a pedal in a glass box in a lab. Weed? Par for the course, especially if you're NFL-bound.

Fightin' in 'da Club/Weed Possession/Standard DUI: 2 points. Any scenario involving group fighting of a thugged-out, 'we run this place' variety, and marijuana possession of the nickel bag level. Possession of 100 pounds of marijuana is a totally different thing, and takes you right back up to the 4 point 'nefarious' level.

Drankin'/Suspended License/Assorted petty misdemeanors: 1 point.

Now, aren’t you glad you asked?

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Oh, and one other thing…As with all awards, the Fulmer Cup people have their own version of a “lifetime achievement award”, or maybe just a litmus test against which all other miscreants are judged. They call theirs the “Ellis T. Jones III” award and describe it thusly:

This award goes to the individual who contributes the most points to his team during the season, OR has the most incredible incident that resulted in Fulmer Cup points. Named after Ellis T. Jones III, the greatest collegiate criminal ever.

Ellis T. Jones III Award Winners:

 2008: Current leader is Alabama's Jimmy John with 20 points for selling cocaine.

2007: Ronnie M. Wilson of Florida, for firing off a semi-automatic rifle during a road rage incident.

2006: Ellis T. Jones himself, for 13 felony counts stemming from using Craigslist to meet robbery targets.

 2005: Ellis T. Jones III, 31 Points - BY HIMSELF.

2006: Marshall Thundering Herd, 15 points.

 2007: Illinois Fighting Illini, 24 points.   

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Don’t tell the SEC…The Speed Exaggerated Conference?

It was noted by some message board types that OSU has some really fast people on the squad and more about to race on to Columbus. Let’s just look (for example) at our cadre of wide receivers and their reported 100 times

Brandon Saine: 10.3

Lamaar Thomas: 10.3

Grant Schwartz: 10.4

Ray Small: 10.4

Devier Posey: 10.6

Taurian Washington: 10.7

I am not sure that any other squad outside of Jamaica can lay claims to having a faster brace of guys, so those SEC corners better be pushing it…                      

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The fat is in the fire…Time for me to get back to work. All the Ohio State pre-season posturing is complete. What about my true mission in life – the exposing of Charlie Cheeseburger and the other arrogant bastards at Notre Dame?

This is almost too easy. A few weeks ago, the vaunted Blue and Gold Illustrated reported that Charlie was "privately projecting anywhere from nine to twelve victories this year. The only regular-season game in which Notre Dame figured to be a serious underdog is the finale at USC, so Weis could conceivably have an 11-0 team heading out there if everything comes together. At that point, anything's possible."

I suppose he has secret films already of the other offenses OR maybe his too-good-for-college “strategery” is really going to kick in this year OR maybe he just told that to the trustees in order to save his larger-than-life-ass.

OR – Charlie has become just as delusional as your garden variety Notre Dame fan.

Let the season – and the fun – begin!

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Kickers and punters and history…The final chapter. The last in a series. We bring this long-winded scenario full circle now as in this final segment, we cover the punters and kickers. For those of you that grew up during the telling of this series, it started as an idea from “The Coach” – Richard Betts – to regale each other with stories of the best Ohio State footballers of the past 40 years. I took the idea one step farther by doing an analysis of where the team stood at each position and where the coaches might be looking for further talent.

We are now summing up with punters and lickers and here’s where we make our, ahem, points:

Where We Are Now

As with linebackers and DB’s and the occasional Heisman-winning quarterbacks, Ohio State has been blessed in recent times with best-in-class kickers and punters. Guys like Mike Nugent and BJ Sander and Andy Groom truly were the best in the nation. How about now? Where do we stand?

Punters first: AJ Trapasso will be in his final year and former walk-on Jon Thoma is a junior. Ben Bartholomew is a redshirt freshman walk-on and Ben Buchanan is a combo punter-kicker true frosh.

Kickers: Ryan Pretorious is a senior (almost a senior citizen), Aaron Pettrey is a junior, walk-ons Michael Mattimoe and Devin Barclay are juniors and sophomore respectively and the aforementioned Ben Buchanan is incoming.

The only mystery in the program is if the starter two years ago (Pettrey) will replace the starter of last year (Pretorious). Both are seriously good and tested. Ben Buchanan is the heir apparent as a place kicker but wants both jobs. We will know early in the year if the staff agrees with those aspirations. If not, expect to see a punter in the next class.

The Back Forty

As depicted earlier, the Buckeyes have had very special kickers for their special teams over the years, particularly the Tressel Years. Here’s what “The Coach” and then our Bucknuts guys thought as to who was the most special.

From Coach Dickie B

PUNTERS:

  Let’s start with three-time All-American Tom Skladany (1976). He not only was one of the best punters we've ever had but he also holds the record for the longest field goal in Ohio State history (59 yards at Illinois in 1975). I really struggled with the backup here so I am going with both Andy Groom (2002) and BJ Sander (2003) and if AJ Trapasso has a great senior year he may beat both of those guys out.

KICKERS:

  Well, can you guess this one? I think I will go with Mike Nugent (2004). "Nuge" was in a class all his own; best kicker we've ever had, not even close. I had to sneak a peak at the record books to see who should be his backup and was rather surprised to see Dan Shultz's (2000) name second to Nugent in just about every category, so he's da man.

From our staff guys at Bucknuts

Jeff Rapp: PK: Mike Nugent then Vlade Janakievski; P: Tom Skladany then Tom Tupa

Steve Helwagen: PK: Nugent then Janakievski; P: Tupa then Andy Groom

Bill Kurelic: PK: Nugent then Tim Williams; P: Skladany then Tupa

Kirk Larrabee:  PK: Nugent then Dan Stultz; P: Skladany then Tupa

Duane Long:  PK: Nugent then Janakievski; P: Skladany then Tupa

Jerry Rudzinski: PK: Nugent then Janakievski; P: Groom and Skladany

Dave Biddle: PK: Nugent then Janakievski; P: Skladany then Tupa

Steve McAllister: PK: Nugent then Josh Huston; P: Tupa then Skladany

Consensus sez: Nugent is your kicker and Skladany is your punter

From Mr. Bucknuts

It’s hard to go against the consensus trend here. I still remember back to Nugent’s recruiting when a friend of the family called to ask me if he thought there was a scholly available at Ohio State OR if Mike should go to Pitt. I sagely advised them that we already had freshman Josh Huston and Nuge should accept the Pitt offer. OK, I was wrong. So I won’t compound it by suggesting there was any kicker better in our history (Lou Groza?) than Mike Nugent. As to punters, I also accede to the will of the group and concur about Tom Skladany.

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All the hype that’s fit to print…I remember back to the “early internet days” of the Mike D’Andrea recruiting and that of Justin Zwick. I also remember back to those e-mails I exchanged with Bob D’Andrea (Mike’s dad) trying to cool him down from the internet hype and its residue. Those were heady times and the ridiculous amount of attention garnered by these guys, well... it practically made Bucknuts so who are we to complain!

Which brings forward the question: Who is the most hyped football recruit in recent Ohio State history? I think it would be hard to beat the very recent story (which is on-going) of Terrelle Pryor. But we have some others that are close. How about Maurice Clarett? Is anyone out there old enough to remember the psycho-drama that attended the recruitment of either Chris Spielman or Joe Pickens?

I personally think that D’Andrea was the worst because Ohio people thought he really was going to Nebraska and they made up some awful stories about him (‘roids and cross-dressing and some really mean stuff). Although the Louis Irizarry mess comes to mind as well. He had given his “verbal” to JT then decided to go to Miami (?) then changed back to the good guys again after much soul searching. Of course, during that Miami interlude, the message board guys just ripped him to shreds. Oops…

Even Ted Ginn Jr. looked like a waffler for a month or so but we were consoled by the fact that no big-name Tar Blooder had ever gone anywhere but Columbus on Tressel’s tenure here. Until last year, when Cordale Scott made history, in an ignominious fashion.

Well, as the Irizarry story (and the Pickens non-story) and even the Eugene Clifford story of recent vintage should have shown, it’s never over ‘til it’s over and with some recruits, even after it’s over – it’s not done!

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We were looking for just this kind of a customer…We run a lot of specials at Bucknuts.com, particularly in the off-season (wait – there’s an off-season for Ohio State football?). This year, we had two different buy-something-get-something free specials. In June, we actually just said, “Try it out for free for the whole month and see what you think”.

Some Bucknutters were nice enough to continue to stay on the site and actually spend real money to become a subscriber (for just 28 cents a day!). Some regaled us with stories of hardships and economic calamities that had befallen them. All in all, we received about 3000 e-mails. My favorite by far was the following:

i really wanna do it i just dont have the money to pay for it. but i am by far osu #1 fan

Well, maybe he’s just tied for #1, eh?

If you are also a really big fan, tell us about it below or voice your concerns to M., Bucknuts at MrBucknuts@yahoo.com